Shontinese Huey

Don’t Get Mad, Get Involved: Helping Your Child with Class Behavioral Issues

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No parent likes hearing that their child is acting out in class. At first, most of us want to blame ourselves and figure out what we’ve done wrong. When we come up empty, we tend to put the blame on our child, and sometimes we even get angry.

The truth is, parents do the best they can and so do their children. There are a myriad of reasons why children act out at school.

Big Changes

A divorce, move to a new city, or death in the family are big life events that are hard on everyone. This is particularly true for young children who do not know how to express their feelings and have not yet developed coping mechanisms.

Sleep Issues

Has something happened to interrupt your child’s sleep patterns? Are they not getting their naps? Are they waking up frequently during the night from noisy neighbors or growing pains? Even adults act out when we don’t get proper sleep.

Self-Esteem Issues

Children develop self-esteem issues for different reasons, but one of the ramifications is changes in mood that can lead to disruptive behavior.

These are some of the reasons why your child may be acting out in school. But now the questions becomes, what can you do about it as their parent?

Talk to Your Child

First, see if you can pinpoint the cause. If it’s not something already listed, do some digging. Take your child to the doctor. Is their hearing and sight okay? Do they have any GI trouble? Are they being picked on? Are they getting enough exercise? Talk openly with your child and ask them what is going on.

Set Boundaries

If your child has never had any problems acting out in the past, they may not be clear on what is and is NOT acceptable behavior. Make it clear what you expect from that at home as well as school.

Seek Counseling

You may be able to identify and solve the issue yourself. For example, if your child was frustrated from their poor eyesight, a trip to the eye doctor may quickly solve your problems. However, if the behavioral issue stems from a big life change or poor self-esteem, you may need the assistance of a trained behavioral therapist.

If you have a child who is acting out in school and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

Sources:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-behavioral/2018/07/8-reasons-why-your-child-might-be-having-prolonged-behavior-issues-that-arent-concerning/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/parenting-tips/2012/07/7-hints-for-setting-boundaries-with-your-kids/

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/children-medication.aspx

Filed Under: Anger, Teens/Children

Why You Should Limit Phone Time For Your Teen

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When your child was small, they most likely couldn’t go to bed at night unless they had their favorite blanky or stuffed animal. Well, just because they’re “all grown up” doesn’t mean they still don’t have dependencies. Teens today can’t seem to go to bed, or anywhere else for that matter, without their beloved smartphone by their side.

When I was a teenager, my friends and I would go out bowling or to get a pizza. We’d actually make eye contact with one another and, you know, talk. But pay attention to the gaggles of teens in malls and other public spaces and they all have their heads down, eyes glued to their phones! It would seem cellphones are the modern security blanket and no teen wants to be without theirs.

In this way, you could almost classify this dependency on technology as an outright addiction. A strong word for sure, but perhaps one that fits perfectly in this case.

The University of Maryland conducted a study as part of The World Unplugged project where researchers evaluated students from 10 different countries to see what would happen when the students had to forgo their phones for 24 hours. Their results were eye opening. They found that the majority of students experienced distressed during this 24-hour period.

Another large-scale study involving more than 2,500 college students found that 60% of them admitted to being addicted to their phone.

But this addiction can sometimes lead to unhealthy mental behaviors. For instance, researchers at the Catholic University of Daegu in South Korea found that teens who used their smartphones the most showed troubling psychological issues such as aggression, depression, anxiety and tended to withdrawal more.

While more research is needed, and while not everyone in the mental health community categorizes cellphone addiction as a real disorder, yet, it is clear that teens are having trouble curbing their own technological desires.

Signs Your Teen May be Addicted to Their Phone

How do you prevent your own kid from experiencing the aggression, depression and anxiety associated with overuse of a smartphone? First, you must recognize signs that there may be a problem:

– They feel the need to respond to everything immediately. They seem unable to resist that urge.
– They constantly check their phone, even when it isn’t ringing or vibrating. This behavior actually has a name and is called ‘phantom vibration’. This is a definite sign that your teen may have an addiction.
– They are disconnected from the real world and ignore what is happening right in front of them.
– They feel anxious and even angry when they are away from their phone.

What You Can Do?

First, try speaking with your teen about their phone use. They may or may not be receptive to the talk, but it’s a good idea to make the effort before you suddenly throw down new cellphone rules and regulations.

Next, set some rules. Understand this will be hard for your teen to accept, so go a bit easy. You may want to start by saying cellphones are not allowed at the dinner table. Of course, you as a parent must follow your own rules.

Next, you might want to enforce a “no bedtime” rule. Studies have found electronic equipment like laptops and cellphones hinder sleep. Try and encourage your teen to leave their phone in their bag and try some quiet time before bed by reading or listening to music.

Above all, encourage your teen to start regulating their own behaviors. That’s what growing up is all about. Ask for their input before setting rules but be firm about enforcing them.

If you find you have trouble speaking with your teen, you may want to seek the guidance of a trained therapist who can facilitate communication and offer tools for managing any upsets moving forward.

If you would like to explore family treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: Teens/Children

What is Trauma and What Causes it?

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Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. This can be from events like being involved in a bad car accident, rape, a natural disaster, or war.

The result of experiencing such events is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition where the mind is unable to process the event as it processes ordinary life events. The result is a brain that misfires information, causing the person to live much of their life distressed, as if the event were still happening to them.

Symptoms of PTSD

There are many symptoms associated with PTSD, but the most common ones are:

• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Psychological and physiological distress at reminders
• Avoidance of internal and external reminders
• Dissociative amnesia
• Negative beliefs about oneself and the world
• Distorted blaming of oneself
• Negative persistent emotional states
• Loss of interests
• Detachment from loved ones
• Hyper vigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior

Causes of PTSD

Researchers are not altogether clear on why some people experience PTSD and others don’t. What makes one soldier come home from war with PTSD and another one not develop the disorder?

The best we can guess is that development of PTSD is likely from a combination of complex factors such as neurological, stress, life experiences, personality, and genetics. It is also worth mentioning that pre-traumatic psychological factors (low self-esteem, for example) may increase the risk factor for developing PTSD.

How Can Trauma be Treated?

The most common form of treatment for PTSD is something called cognitive behavioral therapy. This kind of therapy involves meeting with a specially-trained therapist over a number of sessions to learn strategies and techniques that will reduce and/or eliminate symptoms of PTSD such as recurring thoughts, emotional numbness, sleep issues, and concentration problems. Beyond finding a trained therapist, it’s important to find one you and your family feel comfortable with, so make sure to interview a few candidates to see who might help you on your journey to wellness.

If you or a loved one are suffering from PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may be able to help.

SOURCES

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-causes/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-relief/201707/what-is-ptsd-exactly

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/trauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy

Filed Under: Trauma / PTSD

4 Tips for Parenting an Above Average Child

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If you’re the parent of a gifted child, you may be challenged with a unique set of circumstances. Your gifted child might be mentally above average, but have difficulty interacting with their peers; they may be immature, impatient, or easily bored. Your friends and family may look on in awe at your child’s abilities, blissfully unaware of the difficulties you face on a daily basis. Here are four tips to help you parent your above average son or daughter.

1. Have Your Child Assessed
Although testing shouldn’t be the sole source of identifying a gifted student, tests are a good way to identify a gifted learner. Contact your school to have your child assessed for gifted classes or programs. Since there are no national guidelines for identifying gifted students, your school district will have its own standards. You can also have your child tested by a licensed psychologist experienced with gifted children.

2. Find Programs for Gifted Students
Your school district may have special programs or classes for gifted students. Search online or check with your local library for special classes or groups. You might even consider taking your child to a class or seminar that would interest them. This will give you special alone time with your child as well as help entertain and educate your gifted son or daughter. Finding special programs may require additional time and travel on your part, but it will provide your child with unique learning opportunities that will benefit them for a lifetime.

3. Help Them Improve Social Skills
While it’s important to help your gifted child in their search for knowledge, it’s sometimes easy to forget that it’s equally important to nurture their social and emotional development. Provide your child with opportunities to interact with their peers. Contact their school or the local park or community center to find out about social or interest groups that would benefit your child, or talk to other parents for recommendations.

4. Have Realistic Expectations
When you have a gifted learner for a child, you may come to always expect their extraordinary achievement and ease in learning. However, this is not realistic; your child may be gifted with math, but have more difficulty with reading and writing, or vice versa. It’s important to maintain reasonable expectations. These expectations may also include their behavior. Despite their amazing ability to learn, your son or daughter is still a child, and will not necessarily have the emotional maturity to match their intellectual maturity. Recognize and acknowledge your child’s strengths, and be patient and supportive when they need extra help.

For additional help and resources, visit the National Association for Gifted Children at http://www.nagc.org or the Davidson Institute at davidsongifted.org.

Are you having difficulty parenting your gifted child, and need the guidance of a licensed professional? Call my office at your earliest convenience, and let’s set up an appointment to talk.

Filed Under: Teens/Children

The Difference Between ADD & ADHD

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When searching for information on mental health issues, you’ll find attention deficit disorder (ADD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) lumped together. In fact, you’ll often read ADD/ADHD. So it’s easy to see why people get confused.

Before we talk about the differences, it’s worth it to take a brief historical look at attention deficit disorder to get an idea of how the term came about.

The diagnostic system of psychiatric disorders is relatively young, having been adopted back in 1980. Before that, the term that doctors used to describe hyperactive and inattentive children was “Hyperkinetic Disorder of Childhood.”

Then a new publication of the psychiatric diagnostic reference, called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 3rd Edition (DSM III), came out in 1980 and the terms “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder” (ADHD) and “attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity” (just plain ADD) were formalized.

So What are the Real Differences Between ADHD and ADD?

The real difference between ADD and ADHD is who is diagnosing the person and which terminology (older or newer) they prefer to use. For example, the term “Attention Deficit Disorder” is shorter and easier to say and write. It is often used by people, as well as medical professionals, as a shorthand version of the full-blown Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

To be clear, and technically speaking, there is no longer an official “attention deficit disorder (ADD)” diagnosis — it is all known as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), with a specifier made for the actual type of ADHD the patient suffers: inattentive type, hyperactive-impulsive type, or a combination type.

That being said, ADD is often used as a shorthand to describe the inattentive type of ADHD.

I know, it can definitely be confusing!

Treatments

Treatments for ADD and the other types of ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive and combination) are similar and typically include some kind of therapy and/or medication as interventions.

Common therapies include:

Behavioral therapy: Often using rewards system, the goal of behavioral therapy is to change negative behaviors into positive ones. This therapy is often used in conjunction with medication.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This is a type of talk therapy that encourages individuals to think about their feelings and behavior. CBT helps kids and adults build self-esteem, which often takes a hit with the diagnosis of ADHD.

Social skills groups: This is a therapy primarily used to treat kids and adolescence with ADHD. Kids with ADHD often have symptoms that make it hard to socialize. A social skills group can help kids learn and practice important skills for interacting with others.

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD and is interested in exploring treatment options, please get in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: ADD / ADHD

Do Fidget Spinners Actually Help ADHD?

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They are beloved by children everywhere and a thorn in the paw of many teachers and parents. Fidget spinners have been flying off store shelves in recent years, touted as a gadget that can help reduce anxiety and treat symptoms of ADHD in young children. But are fidget spinners everything they’re cracked up to be?

So do fidget spinners really offer any value in helping children with behavioral disorders? Many child psychologists feel there isn’t an easy answer, including Dr. David Anderson, a clinical psychologist and senior director of the ADHD and Behavioral Disorders Center at the New York-based nonprofit Child Mind Institute, who has said, “The most frequent thing we say to parents with an unfortunately disheartened tone is that if something appears like it’s an easy fix for mental health difficulties, it’s probably too good to be true.”

Admittedly, the toy is so new that not many studies have been conducted regarding its efficacy. But one child psychologist, Paulo Graziano, set up a study with colleagues after his own daughter became enamored with the toy.

What were his findings?

While they can be entertaining, fidget spinners do not help children focus or do better in school. In fact, Graziano cautions parents that fidget spinners can do more harm than good, because they can distract kids more than help them.

During the study, Graziano and his team found that interaction with fidget spinners actually caused children with ADHD to violate more rules. Children payed less attention to the teacher, had more trouble staying on task, and were less able to answer questions when called on.

Where Did the Idea That Fidget Spinners Help ADHD Symptoms Originate?

If fidget spinners seem to do the exact opposite of what the marketing campaigns suggest, where did the idea even come from they could be some sort of learning aid?

There are theories that in kids with ADHD, excessive movements – their bodily fidgeting, rocking, leg shaking etc. – increases their prefrontal cortex arousal and alertness, thereby helping them engage in some academic tasks. While the theory that natural movements may assist in this way, the fact is, fidget spinners don’t really inspire kids to move more than their thumb.

So, the theory is nice, and the makers and marketers might have meant well, but no, it appears that fidget spinners do not actually help children with ADHD focus better.

Other Ways to Help Your Child Focus

Parents tend to focus on the negative behaviors of children with ADHD, but studies have shown these children do much better with positive reinforcement. Give your child lots of praise and attention for good behavior, speak with teachers regularly about their progress, and get help from a trained psychologist who can offer developmental strategies.

If you are the parent of a child with ADHD and would like to discuss treatment options, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to talk about how I may help.

 

SOURCES

http://time.com/money/4774133/fidget-spinners-adhd-anxiety-stress/

http://casenews.fiu.edu/index.php/2018/08/30/do-fidget-spinners-help-children-with-adhd-focus/

https://www.brainfacts.org/Diseases-and-Disorders/Childhood-Disorders/2018/Do-Fidget-Spinners-Help-Kids-Focus-071818

Filed Under: Teens/Children

How to Lovingly Parent a Depressed Child

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Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. But being a parent of a child with a mental illness can feel unbearable at times.

All parents want to do what’s right for their kids, but when your child is sick, either physically or mentally, the desire to “get it right” becomes even more intense.

If you are the parent of a child with depression, know there’s isn’t one “right way” to parent them. Having said that, here are some ways you can support and show you love your child on their way back toward the light.

Accept Your New Reality

For many parents, accepting that your child has a mental illness is extremely difficult. It is natural to want to deny the truth and pretend that everything is the way it was before the diagnosis. But invalidating reality will only make your child feel shame. Accepting the truth will help your family take the necessary steps to getting the right help.

Communicate Openly

Your child needs you now more than ever. They need to feel that they can talk to you when their world feels dark. Sit your child down and tell them they can come to you at any time for any reason. Let them know you could never be angry at them for how they feel. When they are ready to talk, listen closely and with an open mind and heart.

Help Their Body

It’s a fact that an unhealthy body effects the mind, especially with a mental illness in play. Help your child’s recovery by encouraging healthy eating habits. Limit sugar, bad fats, and caffeine intake. Make sure they get plenty of exercise. Invite them to go for a hike or bike ride with you. And finally, help them get enough sleep each night by setting firm bed times.

Talk to Them About Suicide

It’s a conversation no parent ever imagines they’ll have to have. But for the parent of a depressed child, the risk of suicide is a sad reality. Start the conversation with your child. Ask if they’ve ever thought about suicide. Asking these questions in an objective way allows your child to speak candidly with you and share their true thoughts and feelings with you.

And understand that there is no danger of a person planting a thought of suicide in someone else’s mind if it’s not already there.

Get Help

Though you can be a big support in your child’s life, you’ll need the help and guidance of a trained mental health therapist. Talk to your pediatrician for a referral. You can also get a referral from local support groups and friends and family.

If you or a loved one has a child suffering with depression, you are not alone. Please contact me to discuss treatment options.

Filed Under: Depression, Parenting

Why to Avoid Using Toddler-Talk with Your Toddler

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When children become old enough to start school, they have already developed some kind of language ability. The degree to which kids use and understand language is important and has an enormous impact on their entire educational career.

How Do Young Children Develop Language Skills?

There is a growing body of evidence that points to a strong parental influence on early language development. How many words a child hears as an infant and toddler is an important factor is language development.

But beyond the number of words a toddler hears, how those words are spoken matters as well. According to a study published in Cognitive Psychology, talking “baby talk” to your child may not be the best strategy to get them to adopt language.

It’s common for parents to use “cutesy” language when speaking with their child. They may say, “Do you have to go potty?” instead of “Do you have to go to the bathroom?” or “Do you want some wa-wa?” instead of “Do you want some water?” While it may seem harmless to speak this kind of language, experts are now suggesting it may actually slow down language development in young children.

The Case for Complex Speech

Janellen Huttenlocher, Ph.D. and head of the developmental psychology program at the University of Chicago, observed 305 local children in 40 preschool classrooms. She found that students whose teachers used complex speech – those are sentences that include multiple nouns, verbs, or clauses – had higher language-comprehension skills.

Other researchers have reached the same conclusion. Research teams in Japan and Paris published findings from similar studies that looked at how parents and mothers speak influences language development. What they found is that parents tend to use language as a way to engage children and show emotion. But this tends to make the language in and of itself unclear.

While more studies will likely need to be done, what’s clear is that sing-song-y baby-talk is not very clear for your child, often containing too many syllables. It is this difference in clarity that seems to help boost or detriment language retention.

If you are a parent of a toddler or young child, you may want to do some more research on your own to determine if you want to use baby-talk with them. In the meantime, engage with your child as often as possible and be as clear as you can when you’re speaking with them.

Filed Under: Parenting, Teens/Children

How to Help Your Child Transition into a 2-Home Scenario After Divorce

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Going through a divorce can be a tumultuous time for any adult, and for children it can feel like their world is falling apart. It can be confusing for children to have two homes, particularly in the early stages of divorce. But there are ways to bring positivity and excitement to this change, while reducing your child’s stress significantly.

Provide Stability

Help your child adjust to the changes in your family by providing as much stability as possible. Having established routines and continuity between their two homes will help your son or daughter feel safe and secure. You don’t need to have a strict schedule, just routines that your child can expect when they wake up, before they go to bed and when they come home. For example, there’s always a bath or a story before bedtime, and a healthy snack when they get home. Resist the temptation to overcompensate by lavishing your child with gifts, or letting them get away with things they normally would not. Structure in your home will help your children feel calm and stable.

Ease The Transition

Help ease the transition for your children by having a neutral pickup and drop off spot, such as your child’s school. You can drop your son or daughter off at school in the morning, and your ex can pick them at the end of the school day. This also eliminates stress for the child and sad goodbyes. Children are very perceptive and will be keenly aware of any sadness, anger, or frustration you may be feeling if you drop them off at your ex’s new place.

Give Kids Choices

Allowing your child to have a say will help them feel empowered, lessening any feelings they may have about things being out of their control. Have them pick out a new bedspread or pillows to decorate their space, or ask them to decide on a special dinner over the weekend. You can make them their favorite meal, try something new, or they can choose a restaurant they’d like to go to.

Reduce Stress on Arrivals

You can help your child adjust to the changes between two homes by making their arrival from your ex’s house as positive and structured as possible. Come up with a special but simple routine for when they come home. Something pleasant and comforting, such as sharing a snack or playing a game. Resist the temptation to bombard them with questions; let them unwind and process the change in their own time.

 

Your child has two parents living in two separate homes, but they only have one childhood. By remaining a positive force in your child’s life and maintaining stability, you can help them transition into their new normal.

Are you struggling with divorce, and need the support and guidance of a licensed professional? I can help. Please give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Family Therapy, Teens/Children

5 Reasons Your Child Should Be in Sports

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If your son or daughter spends too much time at home with a glazed look in their eye and the glow of a smartphone in their face, you might want to consider signing them up for school sports. Getting your child off the couch and active will not only bring them immediate benefits but will have a positive effect on them for the rest of their lives. Wondering how that’s possible? Here are five ways playing school sports will benefit your child.

1. Academics
Numerous studies have shown that kids in sports do better in school. School policies that have grade requirements for sports participation show students that they need to take their education seriously in order to continue playing. Additionally, the lessons they learn in sports help them cultivate the tenacity needed to not only complete physically but to excel in their studies, as well. Kids in school sports are also less likely to drop out of school and are more likely to attend college.

2. Fitness
As childhood obesity rates continue to rise, having your kids spending an excessive amount of time playing video games or watching YouTube makes them statistically more vulnerable to unhealthy habits. Regular participation in sports activities will improve your child’s weight and body mass, while they reap the many benefits of physical activity such as improved sleep, mood, and brain function. They’re also less likely to participate in unhealthy or risky behavior.

3. Confidence & Character
When your child participates in sports, they’ll learn how putting effort and practice into something will reap rewards. As they gain confidence when they win and are successful, they will also build character as they inevitably experience a defeat. Learning to take a loss in stride and push forward is an important lesson to learn early in life, and one that will help them as they go through the world and experience inevitable ups and downs.

4. Social Skills
As your child interacts with their coaches, parents and other students, they will develop communication and social skills. They’ll learn how to communicate their needs, contribute ideas as well as listen and follow instruction. They’ll learn how to achieve goals as they work with others, a vital skill that will benefit them throughout adulthood.

5. Lifelong memories
Students that participate in school sports spend a great deal of time together, during and outside of school hours. They will have many unique and fun experiences with a close group of people, creating bonds that can last them a lifetime.

Participating in school sports is an activity that will benefit your child mentally, emotionally and physically, leaving a lasting and lifelong positive impact.

If your child needs guidance in making better choices and creating and reaching goals, please call my office so we can schedule an appointment.

Filed Under: General, Teens/Children